My name is JC. I’m 22, still very young, but I am dying. Not right now but my life is slowly fading away as I’m writing my story. The sun is slowly beginning to set over the lake. I took a glance at my reflection in the water. My outside looks have changed drastically within the past few months, but the water reflected the true me. Inside I’m still the same person.
I have done and given so much for love but never once, have I received it back. There are times that I wanted to tell to love everything that I’ve done for and make the person love me back. But I can’t.
Love is not selfish
So I did what felt right. I keep giving love my love and I never asked for love in return. Even though I’ll leave this country pretty soon, my love for love will still remain. My story begins when I first met love on this one fateful day. It all started out…
I was a chatter and actively participate in group activities. I defrag the universe and stayed my connections with people who I also consider my friends and sometimes my love. A new room/thread introduced me with new persons where I met my love. Lines where busy and the cheerful voice of my heart echoes through out our house. When I met love, a shock wave passed through me that I surely know that I met my soul mate (although sometimes it happens not only once…dami kong soulmate hehe..). Bells and trumpets were even heard by my deaf heart. All became transparent except me and love…I stayed and believed that it’s over...Finally I stopped searching cuz I knw that I’ve already found my right partner in life…Time passed, and love also leave me…leaving me with memories that sometimes hunt me with guilt and regrets..what I’ve done wrong?? Everything happens for a reason but I can’t find any reason why love leaves me…Then one night I started to culminate for what my heart really wants me to tell. Then I know that love never left me, for the good that I have become because of love will always stay. Love will always be there, reminding me that I should be thankful and happy not because I have lost love, but because, for once in my life, that feeling called love lived in my heart and made me …
happy
STONE HEARTas some of my friends described me. Even it is hard for me to accept it, I cant blame them for what they observed in my manner. I allowed myself to be capsulated in a thick wall of thorns that only a person with vigor and desire to know me can have a glimpse of my nature. Life is full of perils and despairs. Life threw me in situations that will test and challenge my strengths. I built my own armor using emotional tools to shield me. Soon it begin to change my views in life. For many years I dreamed to have a perfect heart, but people around me chained it little by little that I didnt even noticed. My heart begins to beat slower and slower, and then its stopped. One day I woke up without even feeling anything. I dont feel pain anymore, happiness visit me once in a while but even happiness is somehow fearful to me. But after all of these I stayed to believe that God is within me.
1 comment:
At some point, we have each said through our tears, "I'm suffering for a love that's not worth it." We suffer because we feel we are giving more than we receive. We suffer because our love is going unrecognized. We suffer because we are unable to impose our own rules.
But ultimately there is no good reason for our suffering, for in every love lies the seed of our growth. They have been joyful—because those who love conquer the world and have no fear of loss. True love is an act of total surrender.
http://blackdahlia55.multiply.com/journal/item/24/now_I_know_why_I_need_to_love...despite_and_inspite...my_communion...
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